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Confessions of an insecure writer

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Hey I'm thorn. Yeah cool name right? That's why I picked it. I'm not your average girl. I'm special. No one really gets me. I suck at talking to boys even if I like them. I love music. And singing. Yeah I'm bored writting this and your probably even more reading.

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Normal 0 0 1 2147 12240 102 24 15031 11.1287 0 0 0 “People are afraid of the BDSM world, because they could discover that their utmost pleasures might be embedded in their most closeted phantasms”. Laurent Elie Badessi   FOR decades, artists, writers and filmmakers have been inspired by the world of S&M and BDSM (Bondage, Domination and Sado-Masochism). This subculture is intriguing because people of the “vanilla world” (as the members of the S&M community label outsiders), don't know much about it, and those who do, keep it very private. Recently, things have evolved. For the past several years, fashion designers have taken inspiration from this lifestyle. We have seen models gracing the catwalks for major luxury brands wearing some explicit S&M inspired outfits. Retailers such as Agent Provocateur have opened high-end boutiques in cities’ posh neighborhoods, offering expensive lingerie and all kinds of S&M toys for a well-to-do clientele. More recently, the erotic novel series, "Fifty Shades of Grey", even if not a great piece of literature has become an eye opener to the public. At different periods in history art has reflected, more or less obviously, our Western societal attitude towards nudity and eroticism. It is very apparent in the Greek and Roman civilizations, or during the Renaissance with the erotization of Christ, St John the Baptist, Venus and Madonna with child, as well as in the XVIII Century with painters like François Boucher… Now a day there is so much erotic or pornographic imagery available on the Internet, it is important that art takes again a relevant position on this subject. ***************************************************************************************************************************************************** WHEN I came to the United States, I understood what puritan America really was! I also realized that even if this culture created a lot of pressure towards nudity, explicit sexuality was not too hard to find. I had been taking artistic nude photographs for a decade already when I relocated to the United States—more than twenty years ago now. For the first time in my life, I then felt that I was committing a sin. Unfortunately for me, nudity—even artistic nudes—appeared to be a "big deal" in the land of dreams and on several occasions I had to pay the price for it. During a sitting, obtaining trust from the sitter is crucial to capture his/her essence. When doing nudes, in order to achieve a successful photo session, the photographer needs to be even more skilled in establishing this trust. From 1990, I spent several years working on nudes and a compilation of those images was published in my book SKIN in 2000. This body of work, which was an important learning experience for me in the sense of analyzing the interaction between the model and the photographer, was also the affirmation of a true interest in challenging myself on this topic. To push my experiment a step further, I decided to create “Confessions” a project based on the worlds of S&M and BDSM. I felt that the secrecy and the complex psychology embedded in it would be the perfect grounds for my research. My wish for the series was to comprehend this world as well as possible and help through my images this subculture to become less obscure to the public. To achieve my mission, I felt that it would be essential to highlight the “unusual” beauty that the devotees of this lifestyle can see within it. I had been intrigued by the worlds of S&M and BDSM for many years by the time I moved to the United States. Coming to New York on regular basis during my mid-twenties triggered my desire to experiment with it in a city where it was largely available and then not yet hard to find. I started to explore the scene and became fascinated by the aesthetic that I could detect within it: The role-plays, the body positions, the outfits, the textures and the props. Visually, I was very drawn to it. I wanted to dedicate a project to this lifestyle, but I did not immediately see how I could make it relevant and unique—as several notable photography projects had been done on the topic. It took me several years to be and feel ready. Admittedly, many more years than I ever thought it would. To achieve the concept that I had in mind, it required many technically important vectors that became a challenge to solve. The knowledge on the lifestyle (the psychology within it) was one of them, but most of all the confidence and the right connections were the key elements. It took me a great deal of time to assemble all these ingredients to be able to achieve it the way I had envisioned it.   There is nothing new in saying that what attracts people the most, is often what is forbidden or kept out of sight. To set a greater challenge for the "Confessions" project, I wanted to turn my focus on a group in the world of S&M and BDSM that is very difficult to approach - the group of the very wealthy, which is probably the least expected to adopt this lifestyle. There are two reasons that best explain my decision to choose this group. First, when people have lots of money and are high profile, we assume that they wouldn’t want anyone to know that they are part of such a “filthy scene.” Second, because of S&M’s historical origins. Two European noble men, the French Marquis de Sade (1740 – 1814) and the Austrian Count Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836 – 1895), are intricately linked with the origins of S&M. Both men were considered scandalous for their deviant lifestyle and writings. The term Sado-Masochism was actually coined after their respective names. The concept of S&M is thus strongly linked with the aristocracy. I knew that it would not be an easy task to get into the elitist part of this very secretive community. Little by little, thanks to some well-connected acquaintances in that field, I had been able to penetrate into that group and witness the large amount of rich people that were indeed gravitating within it. The investigation itself was a long journey and a fascinating part of the process. It was a great learning experience, as well as, the main source of inspiration for this series. Trust was a key element in this world. If I had to simplify this complex subculture, dedicated to the cult of “pleasure”, into one sentence I would say: “the exchange of trust is fundamental”. Mutual trust is a main factor in S&M play; I had already experimented with this skill in my photography and I was ready to master it for this project. It is important to know that S&M is always a consensual act. Role-plays are managed by well-defined rules that are set upfront by the members (like the safe word), so as to avoid misunderstandings, abuse or accidents. Becoming part of the scene is to accept and respect these rules. To best create my own artistic vision for this project, and to link it with the history of S&M, I chose to go back to the 15th century, the time when the notion of sexual sado-masochism very first appeared (despite the fact that it was not acknowledge before the XVIII Century).This was the era of the Renaissance style in the arts, when oil paint was first invented and became an amazing tool for artists to reproduce realistic skin tones. This new technique gave painters the ability to arouse the viewers. The Renaissance period was also the time when the cult of the body-beautiful inspired by Greek and Roman statuary was reintroduced into art and when the very rich—the nobles and high profile clergy—began to commission major artists (Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo da Vinci, Titian, Guilio Romano, just to name a few) to produce highly erotic paintings filled with symbolism. This type of paintings became popular, their owners kept the most explicit in their bedroom hidden behind curtains or other paintings. They only showed them privately to their peers who would often commission the artists to paint a similar version. This is why several copies based on the same paintings can be seen in different museums. This type of works flourished, their owners enjoyed showing them privately, or kept the most explicit pieces in the bedroom, concealed behind curtains or other paintings. The elegance and eroticism depicted in the artworks of the Renaissance period was a perfect lead for me to introduce strong S&M scenes with beautiful bodies, flattering lighting and well thought out compositions. Additionally, I always felt that one loses contact with the present when in the S&M dungeons. The props (crosses, cages, iron gates), apparatuses (whips, restrains, paddles, chains) and outfits (hoods, straightjackets, chastity belts) are all ancient looking, like one would find in a castle’s torture room. Role-plays based on religious themes, such as crucifixion, martyr scenes of Christian saints, torture from the Inquisition, are all common references. Time has been held back. Inspiration from the past was thus a logical approach for me to take. The depiction of this era was important on many levels, but I still wanted my images to look contemporary. Instead of black and white photography, I decided to go for color, so that the idea of the flesh would be omnipresent. The reference to old master paintings, with warm or porcelain skin tones, would be a great “excuse” for me to work the nudes with a more artistic touch and a painting like effect. My objective was to portray the group of wealthy people, with everyone looking the same in the nude or in S&M attires and uniforms. The question then became, “How do I depict wealth without shooting in luxurious surroundings, like hotel suites or apartments?” Such settings are all too common in contemporary fine art S&M photography and would not work with the direction I had in mind! I decided upon the use of symbolism, which I often use in my imagery. It was perfectly appropriate for this well-codified subculture and for the artistic vision I wanted to create for this series. So, the answer to the question became, “The symbolism of extraordinary jewels because of their representation of supremacy and power throughout our history.” To convey a subliminal message of wealth, I would “brand” certain participants by having them wear exquisite diamond pieces.    For “Confessions”, I chose to reveal what truly happens during S&M sessions, without being shy, since what I had personally experienced was very strong. Amid the more conventional BDSM and S&M practices portrayed in art photography, I felt that it was important to feature more explicit acts. I wanted the scenes to be real, so when the viewers would be exposed to the photographs they would feel that they are “voyeurs” directly facing the action. Action, which in reality is totally well orchestrated by the participants, like a theater play. I quickly saw the beauty in this subculture, and understood how deeply the true adepts of this lifestyle are immerse into the roleplays, so I searched for the best way to translate this cult of “pleasure” to the public, while keeping it grounded into reality. People are afraid of this world they don’t know, therefore to seduce the viewers I choose to have symmetry in my compositions and a classical aesthetical approach. Always conscious of the theme and its strength, I kept in mind that the success of the series would also emanate from a subtle balance between roughness and sensuality, pleasure and pain, reality and fantasy. During the making of the project, the members of the S&M or BDSM community realized that I was able to see and appreciate the beauty embedded in their world, therefore they totally accepted me and helped me to achieve my goal. I was already very experienced at shooting nudes, nevertheless, for this project I had to channel all my skills into seduction. From behind my camera, this time I was not only the voyeur, but I became also the “master of the dungeon”. It was very challenging to make the most delicate scenes look beautiful and real at the same time. It required a great amount of confidence and energy to dominate some of the participants. Because I listened carefully to each sitter’s experience, I was able to learn how to “seduce” each one. I made sure that they would trust me enough to translate in the best way possible the concepts I asked them to nurtured with me. I had to feel each single situation, as it was very different if I was working with a dominatrix, a slave, or an exhibitionist. I needed to know precisely, according to their respective role, what I could or could not ask them to do. During this long venture I was able to witness and discover that Sado-Masochism, Bondage, Discipline is precisely about trust, fantasy and reality, which leads to intense pleasures, if we know how to allow ourselves to let go and open our mind. In other words, to accept and to learn how to push, for a certain amount of time, our limits of what we feel is prohibited. To quote Nietzsche, “Our certain duty is to develop ourselves, to expand ourselves wholly in all our potentialities, it is to succeed in becoming fully what we feel ourselves to be. What we want is to become ourselves. Nothing is to be suppressed. Nothing is superfluous.” For the series of photographs, I set myself a goal to help the S&M and BDSM lifestyle to be better understood by the “vanilla world". If I was able to contribute somehow in creating a bridge between these two distant worlds thanks to "Confessions", even a tiny one, it would be very rewarding. *****************************************************************************************************************************************************     “What a pleasure it was to work with such a talented, cerebral and empathetic artist. As a member of the fetish, S&M community, I thin k this project shows the vanilla world, that S&M is a creative, human and natural dance between two people.” Dietrich (Dominatrix NYC)   “Laurent's photography brought an order to the seemingly chaotic world of Domination. He achieved this through having a clear vision for all of the photographs and also by establishing symmetry in each one. Because of this order, someone who is not involved in the BDSM scene is not afraid to approach the photographs to absorb the images and ask about the lifestyle ». Carmen (Dominatrix NYC)  **************************************************************************************************************************************************** Normal 0 0 1 400 2284 19 4 2804 11.1287 0 0 0 Addendum: “CONFESSIONS” It is not by chance that I choose the direction I undertook for "Confessions". Listening to my grandfather, a photographer himself, talking about the frescoes that his father used to paint in Italian churches was always a subject that I enjoyed very much. In fact, it triggered my interest for the arts. I grew up in a family of artists, so sketching, painting, making photograms and anything else with artistic value were my favorite ways to entertain myself.   I love sets and stages, probably because I spent a great part of my childhood in the studio while members of my family were taking photos. I especially enjoyed when they worked with people. I first became aware of the power of the medium watching for hours their interaction with the sitter(s). From a dark spot in the studios I was quietly observing the action taking place. It was a very voyeuristic act, but I found it thrilling. There, I also realized that clothes and costumes were key element during a photo session as they translated the personality of each subject. In “Confessions” they are essential too, because in the Bondage, Discipline, and Sado-Masochism context clothes have the extremely important meaning of identifying the role or status of each individual during the role-plays. When one observes BDSM role-plays, it’s hard to deny their similarity to theater plays and staging. Another prominent aspect of entertainment in my early childhood was spending time with my aunt, a nun and schoolteacher who lived in a small town in Spain. I could frequently be found at her convent. The church was beautiful and I loved looking at the old paintings, sculptures, crucifixes, and all the props. I found myself draw to the community’s clothing and its meaning. I loved the perfectly pressed uniforms the nuns, priests and altar boys clothes wore. I was also captivated by watching the subjects set-up for mass, carry out the processions, and go to confession… I was there, observing these well orchestrated interactions from a little dimmed corner and, again, enjoyed it very much. In “Confessions”, I made several references to the Catholic religion, as many religious props are used in BDSM role-plays. Along with the relevance of costume and staging, the religious symbols immediately struck me when exploring the scene. For this project, I often choose works of arts by great masters or took inspiration from them to introduce these religious references, as the notion of martyrdom or forbidden sin often emanated from the BDSM acts I had witnessed in real life. There is nothing new in saying that what attracts people the most is often what is forbidden or kept out of sight—now, I invite viewers to have a look into the world of BDSM through my lens.     These texts cannot be copied, in their entirety or in part, amended, distributed and published or otherwise used without the written approval of Laurent Elie Badessi and their authors. ©LAURENT ELIE BADESSI

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Confessions