@irony

I see Irony everywhere, US international relations, US domestic issues, environmental issues, etc. Some of it is funny, much is hypocrytical, almost all ends in poetic justice. I been having fun with it most of my life. I hope to have more fun with it here.

@irony: Make your own Beacons page. Featured links: Make your own Beacons page. Shop featured products. Email signup available.

I'm just a weird ass motherfucker

Not Available...

CEO and founder of Iteam. Future optimist.

GitLab.com

<br />https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCO8pDrDXUev56oJWHW-a2Bw<br /><br />

Animation Student

against all odds#0721

I'm pretty much a loner, but certainly the most talkative loner you have ever met http://www.facebook.com/danimages

-

A person that likes to draw on paper, but appreciates virtual drawings too.

Concept art student!

---------------------------------- ✔︎ MBA in Film from the university of Chepstow I know my film and I know it well. ---------------------------------- 💄👑♛ About me♛👑💄 - Christened Susan Jennifer Perior on May 18th 1968 - Raised in Chepstow, England - Educated at Chepstow Primary School, Chepstow, England - Was feral from the age of 4 weeks and 3 days to 4 weeks and 4 days - Currently employed as a full-time housewife - SJW - ENTP ("The Debater") - ♉Taurus♉ (Strengths include possessiveness, prejudice and stubbornness) - The original femme fatale - Gryffindor (brave, chivalrous and contagious) - Level 9 Duolingo in Korean (엄니 중 하나) - Achieved a C grade in GCSE Spanish - The real slim shady - FHM's Sexiest Woman of the Year 2002 ---------------------------------- 🕑 Timeline🕗 • 16/02/14 Jeremy Irons used my name twice when presenting Helen Mirren with the BAFTA fellowship award. • 18/03/14 My own movie, Sue Perb: The Movie was taken down from the movie database. I still believe it is, without a doubt, the greatest film of all time. I will not stop fighting until justice has been served. I am the mockingjay. Watch here • 21/05/14 Carmen Electra tweeted me Click here for the genuine tweet • 01/08/14 I got my first hater (@bbcm_boys on twitter) • 01/01/2015 I split my soul into seven pieces and became immortal • 31/01/2015 I got my second hater (@velvetgh0st on Twitter) • 25/04/2015 I topped TIME's list of the 100 most influential people • 06/05/2015 I got my third hater (@selinameyer on twitter) • 12/05/2015 My film '50 Shades of Sue' was postponed indefinitely as it did not pass BBFC classification • 22/05/2015 I copyrighted my name to stop the haters • 25/05/2015 Alesha Dixon used my name in the Britain's Got Talent semi-finals • 04/06/2015 The trailer for my next motion picture Fifty Shades of Sue was uploaded to the internet Watch here • 28/05/15 My husband Glen Perb went missing for nine days after becoming lost in the Chepstow multi-storey car park. Currently accepting donations on our JustGiving page (details on my website) • 21/11/15 I got my fourth hater (@murphkenefick on twitter/@mkenefick here on letterboxd) • 3/01/16 I was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize (a la Heather Mills) • 17/01/16 I became a Patron on Letterboxd • 17/01/16 The release date for my new movie Tungsten Grey is the Warmest Colour was announced • 19/01/16 I got my fifth hater (@monkeydrufi) • 08/05/16 I got my sixth hater (@getflecked) • 10/09/16 I decided to return to full time education in the hope of finally obtaining the Nobel Prize I am owed by God • 20/02/17 The awe-inspiring, tear-jerking trailer for Tungsten Grey is the Warmest Colour was officially released. Watch it here. • 03/01/2018 I became #woke 🎀 My family currently consists of: 🎀 Glen Perb (my husband, formerly known as Glen Preme) Bernard (surname unknown) Jaden Perb The being Lui Perb Error Perb Gary the dust mite* *deceased ---------------------------------- 🌽 My hobbies include 🌽 ✔︎ Film watching ✔︎ Basket weaving ✔︎ Ultimate frisbee ✔︎ Radiology ✔︎ Recreational event organisation ✔︎ Poi ✔︎ Fine art ✔︎ Ten pin bowling ✔︎ Zorbing ✔︎ Beet farming ✔︎ Morris dancing ✔︎ Lizard bating ✔︎ Poetry recitals ✔︎ Acrobatics ✔︎ Health inspections ✔︎ Wii sports bowling ✔︎ Bog Snorkelling ✔︎ Light Opera ✔︎ Goat herding ✔︎ Pub quizzing ✔︎ Motocross ✔︎ Ergophobia ✔︎ Glen Perb ✔︎ Cat Burglary ✔︎ Caber tossing ✔︎ Zumba ✔︎ Storm Chasing ✔︎ Am Dram ✔︎ Succeeding ✔︎ Walking briskly up hills ✔︎ Proving imbeciles wrong ✔︎ Bonsai Tree Growing ✔︎ Zen Garden Curation ✔︎ Smiting ✔︎ Outdoing others ✔︎ Segway ✔︎ Ultimate Yoyo ✔︎ Homeopathy ✔︎ Alchemy ✔︎ Cheese Rolling ✔︎ Blue Sky Thinking ✔︎ Bronchitis ✔︎ Road Rage ✔︎ Complaining ✔︎ Wet t-shirt contests ✔︎ Discrimination ✔︎ Line-Up procedures ✔︎ Donation to medical science ✔︎ Synchronised Swimming ✔︎ Thumb Twiddling ✔︎ Pasteurisation ✔︎ Drone Surveillance ✔︎ Wigwam Construction ✔︎ Ant farm curation ✔︎ Dry Stone Walling ✔︎ Viral Marketing ✔︎ XMA (Extreme martial arts) ✔︎ Brain Surgery ✔︎ The Seven Cardinal Virtues ✔︎ Vaping ✔︎ Parkour ✔︎ Spin Cycle ✔︎ Floculation ✔︎ Nail Art ✔︎ Taphophilia ✔︎ Javelin Catching ✔︎ Free Diving ✔︎ Wing Walking ✔︎ Quilling ✔︎ Pie Mary Throwdown ✔︎ Hunger Games ✔︎ Le'Perb (More details further down) ✔︎ Consternation ✔︎ Anticipation ✔︎ Exhalation ✔︎ Complaining ✔︎ Walking Races ✔︎ Drawing on Fruit ✔︎ Cherry Knocking ✔︎ TPing ✔︎ Potato Mashing ✔︎ Potato Ricing ✔︎ Potato Peeling ✔︎ Exfoliation ✔︎ Mockery ✔︎ ASMR ✔︎ BDSM ✔︎ Sub and Dom Relationships ✔︎ Lighting Design ✔︎ Food Landscaping ✔︎ Candle Making ✔︎ Burpees ✔︎ Watching Paint Dry ✔︎ Self Congratulation ✔︎ Dismissal ✔︎ Reupholstery ✔︎ Salmon Fishing in the Yemen ✔︎ Inflation ✔︎ Inoculation ✔︎ Painting my hands with PVA glue and waiting for several hours and peeling it off as if it is my own skin ✔︎ Belly flopping ✔︎ Grinding ✔︎ Twerking ✔︎ Orienteering ✔︎ Tinder ✔︎ Catfishing ✔︎ Harlem Shake ✔︎ Tuna fishing in the Yemen ✔︎ Archiving ✔︎ Slacklining ✔︎ Ribbon Dancing ✔︎ Pole Dancing ✔︎ Irish Dancing ✔︎ Goat Milking ✔︎ Cult Leading ✔︎ Penetration Testing ✔︎ Nintendogs ✔︎ Present Shaking ✔︎ Ergonomics ✔︎ Tessellation ✔︎ Foreign Profanities ✔︎ Lubrication ✔︎ Fortune Cookie Opening ✔︎ Burlesque ✔︎ Piercings ✔︎ Tampering ✔︎ Ladyfinger baking ✔︎ Buying in bulk ✔︎ Doomsday Preparation ✔︎ Indoctrination ✔︎ Food Canning ✔︎ Being the big spoon ✔︎ Contemplation ✔︎ Compressing PDFs ✔︎ Dogging ✔︎ Admin ✔︎ Belittling ✔︎ Biding my time ✔︎ Sandwich art ✔︎ Latte Art ✔︎ Facebook stalking ✔︎ Misinterpretation ✔︎ Spamming ✔︎ Bowel movements ✔︎ Cliff walking ✔︎ Dog Breeding ✔︎ Hair thinning ✔︎ Amateur dentistry ✔︎ Deception ✔︎ Teacosy collecting ✔︎ Baked bean bathing ✔︎ Croc collecting ✔︎ Noodling ✔︎ Blue Peter badge winning ✔︎ Cotton Swabbing ✔︎ Protesting ✔︎ Nose Diving ✔︎ Extreme Ironing ✔︎ Child Neglect ✔︎ Insurance Fraud ✔︎ Soap Carving ✔︎ Navel fluff topiary ✔︎ Expunging ✔︎ Emphysema ✔︎ Teliology ✔︎ Acid Reflux ✔︎ Snapchat Streaks ✔︎ Stalking ✔︎ Fist bumping ✔︎ Lassoing ✔︎ Balloon blowing ✔︎ Theft ✔︎ Daddy issues ✔︎ Hacking ✔︎ Tote bag collecting ✔︎ Extradition ✔︎ Bug fighting ✔︎ Fork bending ✔︎ Hikaru Dorodango ✔︎ Draft exclusion ✔︎ Election rigging ✔︎ Ombrophobia ✔︎ Papaphobia ✔︎ Triskaidekaphobia ✔︎ Polydactyly ✔︎ Urban exploration ✔︎ Deltiology ✔︎ Rock Balancing ✔︎ Auto audiophilia ✔︎ Kabaddi ✔︎ Mahjong ✔︎ Slot Car Racing ✔︎ Egestion ✔︎ Plate Smashing ✔︎ Conflicts of Interest ✔︎ Sexcretarying ✔︎ Gestation ✔︎ Extreme Coldplay Concerting ✔︎ Handball ✔︎ Handjobs ✔︎ Handbag Collection ✔︎ Pastoral Farming ✔︎ Shortwave listening ✔︎ Satellite Watching ✔︎ Satellite Chasing ✔︎ Satellite Catching ✔︎ Learning ✔︎ Leaning ✔︎ Leering ✔︎ Sneering ✔︎ Jeering ✔︎ Cheering ✔︎ Cheerleading ✔︎ Footbag ✔︎ Hedge Funding ✔︎ Touch typing ✔︎ Ambiversion ✔︎ Sticker Collecting ✔︎ Conjunctivitis ✔︎ Jet Skiing ✔︎ Dragon Boat Racing ✔︎ Avalanche chasing ✔︎ Adhesion ✔︎ Snake Milking ✔︎ Crackalacking ✔︎ Pickle Tickling ✔︎ Tickle Pickling ✔︎ Lizard Stickling ✔︎ Syphilis ✔︎ Cartography ✔︎ Tram greasing ✔︎ Plucking ✔︎ Drone Operating ✔︎ Air traffic controlling ✔︎ Being the real MVP ✔︎ PYO ✔︎ Competitive Twister ✔︎ Competitive Cluedo ✔︎ Competitive Monopoly ✔︎ Pagoda construction ✔︎ Front elevations ✔︎ Visualisation ✔︎ Contractual obligations ✔︎ Mirror smashing ✔︎ Wakeboarding ✔︎ Turtle Surfing ✔︎ Snow Globe Shaking ✔︎ Laser Eye Surgery ✔︎ Afro-beat ✔︎ Process Serving ✔︎ Skankin ✔︎ Memphis Jookin' ✔︎ Downward Dogging ✔︎ Slopestyle ✔︎ Bop it ✔︎ Calligraphy ✔︎ Rendezvousing ✔︎ Feng Sui ✔︎ Double Entendre ✔︎ Lying ✔︎ Conjugational visits ✔︎ Periscoping ✔︎ Horoscoping ✔︎ Guy roping ✔︎ Face soaping ✔︎ Interloping ✔︎ Kaleidoscoping ✔︎ Skip Roping ✔︎ Softball ---------------------------------- ❉ Quotes that sum me up ❉ - 'The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it' - Justin Bieber - 'All you have to do in life is go out with your friends, party, have fun and look twice as good as that b*tch standing next to you' - Paris Hilton - 'There's no shame, we're all the same' - Gok Wan - 'If you have no critics you'll likely have no success' - Malcolm X - 'Neither can live while the other survives' - Sue Know Who - 'All men's souls are immortal but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine' - Socrates - 'I got a notepad, and I asked my publishers how many pages, pretending it was going to be like, the finished book...And now it's all just been printed, what I wrote, onto pages, like...like a book...I haven't read one page back yet. I've wrote the entire book, and I haven't even read a page back. I should probably do that.' - Alfie Deyes - 'Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world' - Marilyn Monroe - 'I drink a lot of water,' - Kim Kardashian - I could not tell you the date of my mother's death. I could not tell you the date of my dad's death. These are not dates that I find significant.' - OJ Simpson - 'I'm walking on sunshine' - Oscar Wilde - 'Blesse'd are the Perbs for they shall inherit the earth' - Glen Perb - 'I'm one of few directors that actually shoots a lot in camera' - Michael Bae -'I review, therefore I am' - René Descartes - 'Now wherewith sholde he make his paiement if he ne used his sely instrument?' - The Wife of Bath - 'I exercise control in all things' -Christian Grey - 'I don't really want to do topless stuff anymore' - Katie Price - 'I permit no women to teach or have authority over men, she is to keep silent!' - The Bible - 'Pain is temporary. Pride is forever.' - Lance Armstrong -'I wish I was more myself in real life. But what it myself? Who knows! Deep.' - Shakespeare -'That's what you get when you let you're heart win woah oh oh oh.' - Shakespeare -'I'LL GIVE MY LIIIiiiIiIIIiiiIiIiiiiIIIIIFE TO YOUUUUUUUUU!' - Cezar Flickerman - 'Cause the haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate' - Taylor Swift - 'Trying to live without your love is one sleepless night." - The Jackson 5 (dedicated to you Glen) - 'His erection springs free...holy cow!' - E.L. James -'My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.' - E.L. James -'This is our house. This is our rules.' - Miley Cyrus - 'I get letters from little girls begging me to adopt them' - Kim Kardashian - 'It made me think of you' - Birdy - 'Lend me some sugar. I am your neighbour!' - Solomon Northup - 'Rap is the new rock 'n' roll. We are the real rock stars and I'm the biggest of all of them. I'm the number one rock star on the planet.' -Kanye ('Kanbae') West - 'I'm quite the screamer' - River Song - 'If you hang out with a loser, you are a loser.' Donald Trump -'Mammary militia breast feeding en masse in Costa. Puts one off their latte.' - Katie Hopkins - 'I have a very highly developed sense of denial' - Gwyneth Paltrow - 'Floating stools that will not flush show a liver imbalance' - Gillian McKeith - 'I really don't know how much longer I can do this whole peace and love thing' - Tris Prior - 'No' - Rosa Parks - 'Like I feel every year has a new energy, and I feel like this year is going to be about, like the year of just realising stuff, and like everyone around me, we're all just realising things. 2016, looking good.' - Kylie Jenner - 'I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative' - Taylor Swift -'The act itself was fervent. Like a brisk tennis game or a summer track meet, something performed in daylight between competitors. The cheap mattress bounced. She liked to do it more than once, and he was usually able to comply. Bourbon was his gasoline. Between sessions, he poured it at the counter while she lay panting on the sheets. Sweat burnished her body. The lean neck. The surprisingly full breasts. He would down another glass and return.' - Ethan Canin -'Your problems with me are not my problems, those are your problems.' - Azealia Banks -'I'm often mistaken for Spanish or Latin descent.' - Rita Ora -'I tried to go anorexic for a good three hours. I ate ice and celery, but that’s not even anorexic. And I quit. I was like, 'Ma, can you make me a sandwich? Like, immediately.' - Meghan Trainor -'Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.' - Albert Einstein (from his theory of relativity) -'Bring the feathers on.' - Mariah Carey, NYE ball 2016 - 'It’s a shame that we were put into the hands of a production team with technical issues who chose to capitalize on circumstances beyond our control' - Mariah Carey, 2017 - 'La La Land.' - Faye Dunaway - 'I'm a massive fan of the dictionary.' - Gemma Collins - 'The future is looking spicy' - Emma Bunton - 'I spend a lot of my life in back of cars - Oops! I didn't mean that in the way it sounded. Like hence the two kids.' - Kerry Katona ---------------------------------- ⭐️✪ Film Ratings ✪⭐️ ½ = Most definitely not superb ★ = Pornographic ★½= The sort of film that I would recommend to my ex-husband ★★ = Two Perb ★★½ = Decent (or not depending on my mood) ★★★ = Worth merit but did not stir my soul ★★★½ = Chartreuse ★★★★ = The rating that I gave Sue Perb The Movie (minus one star) ★★★★½ = Brilliant but could have been improved by an Adam Sandler reference or Michael Bae edit ★★★★★ = Absolutely, mind-blowingly, omnipotently, scintitllatingly, wonderfully superb ---------------------------------- ⭐️✪Morality Ratings ✪⭐️ ½ = Deserves to burn in hellish flame ★ = Has no place on this earth ★ ½ = Aung San Suu Kyi ★★ = Ew Perb ★★½ = Palatable ★★★ = Room for improvement ★★★½ = Inspirational ★★★★ = Only worthy to be watched by Jaden Smith or higher ★★★★½ = The Human Centipede ★★★★★ = Makes Jesus look like a sinner ---------------------------------- ✨💫🌟❤︎ Wall of fame ❤︎🌟💫✨ In no particular order - Michael Bae - Glen Perb - Myself - My children* - The dog from Marley and me - Carmen Electra - E.L. James - Myself - Jeremy Irons - Keith Lemon - The woman who threw eggs at Simon Cowell - The Slave driver in 12 years a slave - Wendy Jarrett, CEO of Understanding Animal Research - Edna Mode - Sweet Brown - The Anabelle Doll - Saint West - Katie Hopkins - Kerry Katona - Liza Minelli in the 2014 Oscar selfie *subject to change ---------------------------------- 🎵Current Playlist🎵 listen for free here ✧ Rise Like a Phoenix - Conchita Wurst ✧ Cotton Eyed Joe - Rednex ✧ Foundations - Kate Nash ✧ Paradise - Coldplay ✧ Jurassic Park Theme - John Williams ✧ The cup song from that film with the fat woman ✧ Sex Bomb - Tom Jones ✧ Tragedy - Steps ✧ Livin' La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin ✧ Come Fly With Me - Moses Beacon ✧ Anaconda - Nicki Minaj ✧ War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy (Audiobook) ✧ Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley ✧ Baby Got Back - Sir Mixalot ✧ Whip My Hair - Willow Smith ✧ Congratulations - Cliff Richard ✧ String Quartet in E flat ('The Joke') - Joseph Haydn ✧ Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves ✧ The Apology Song - Nick Clegg ✧ Far Over The Misty Mountains Cold - Neil Finn ✧ Natural Woman - Shania Twain ✧ My Plague - Slipknot ✧ Everybody Wants To Be A Cat - The Aristocats ✧ A Perb named Sue- Johnny Cash ✧ More more more - Rachel Stevens ✧ Spem In Alium - Thomas Tallis ✧ We Can't Stop - Miley Cyrus ✧ All About That Bass - Meghan Trainor ✧ Don't Cha - The Pussycat Dolls ✧ I am what I am - Gloria Gaynor ✧ It's My Life - Cezar Flickerman (mine and Glen's first dance song) ✧ Like a virgin - Madonna ✧ All Day - Kanye West ✧ Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance ✧ Stupid Hoe - Nicki Minaj ✧ Dear Future Husband - Meghan Trainor ✧ Marilyn Monroe - Nicki Minaj ✧ Shake it Off - Taylor Swift ✧ I Want You Back - The Jackson 5 (dedicated to Glen*) ✧ Pablo The Blowfish - Miley Cyrus ✧ Fix You - Coldplay ✧ Get on Your Feet - Gloria Estefan ✧ You Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain ✧ Highway to Hell - AC/DC ✧ If I Could Turn Back Time - Cher ✧ Feeling Myself - Nicki Minaj and Leona Lewis ✧ No Diggity - Blackstreet ✧ Let it go - Adele Dazeem ✧ Thrift Shop - Macklemore ✧ Fancy - Iggy Azalea ✧ Toxic - Britney Spears ✧ What About Now - Westlife ✧ Patience - Take That ✧ Barbie Girl - Aqua ✧ Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cirus ✧ Black Widow - Iggy Azalea feat. Rita Ora ✧ Gimme Gimme Gimme A Man (After Midnight) - Abba ✧ Agadoo - Black Lace ✧ River Flows In You - Yiruma ✧ Sexual Healing - Marvin Gay ✧ Take My Breath Away - Berlin ✧ The Lonely Goatheard - The Sound Of Music Cast ✧ Is This The Way To Amarillo - Peter Kay ✧ I'm Every Woman - Chaka Kahn ✧ Don't Stop - 5SOS ✧ Fucked My Way Up to the Top - Lana Del Rey ✧ Delicious - Lana Del Rey ✧ I Found Jesus - Delirious ✧ Paint it Black - The Rolling Stones ✧ Diamonds - Rihanna ✧ The Beast and the Harlot - Avenged Sevenfold ✧ Take Me To Church - Hozier ✧ 99 Luftballons - Nena ✧ S & M - Rihanna ✧ Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus ✧ Independent Woman, Pt. 1 - Destiny's Child ✧ A Moment Like This - Beyoncé ✧ Proud Mary - Tina Turner ✧ Tusk - Fleetwood Mac ✧ Imagine - John Lennon ✧ Hotline Bling - Drake ✧ Shackles (Praise You) - Mary Mary ✧ I'm A Banana - Onision ✧ Gangster's Paradise - Coolio ✧ A.D.I.D.A.S. - Little Mix ✧ Here's to Never Growing Up - Avril Lavigne ✧ Ex's and Oh's - Elle King ✧ Maneater - Nelly Furtado ✧ Work - Rihanna ft. Drake ✧ Famous - Kanye West ✧ I Love Kanye - Kanye West ✧ U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer ✧ Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond ✧ In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins ✧ I Want it That Way - Backstreet Boys ✧ Sue - David Bowie ✧ The Hills - The Weeknd ✧ Swalla - Jason Derulo ft. Nicki Minaj ✧ Side to Side - Ariana Grande ft. Nicki Minaj ✧ Opus Clavicesmbalisticum — Kaikhosru Shapurji Sorabji ✧ Jag Soona Soona Lage (From Om Shanti Om) ✧ Heathens - Twenty One Pilots ✧ Meghan Trainor - No *Now found ---------------------------------- 👗Proudest Cosplays👗 - Sue Perb (Myself) - Nanny McPhee - Usain Bolt - The Gelth - Donald Trump - Michael Jackson - Joffrey Baratheon Lannister - A paradigm shift - Karl Kennedy - A convection current - Nosferatu - Henry VIII - The shower scene in Psycho - President Snow - Optimus Prime - Rachel Dolezal - Ted (as in the talks) - Ted (as in from How I Met Your Mother) - Ted (as in Nugent) - Shirley Temple - Tamagotchi - Zoella - Aslan - The sorting hat - Conchita Wurst - A furby - Peter Griffin - Einstein's Theory of Relativity - Lara Croft - Optimus Prime - Hazel Grace Lancaster - Sweet Brown - Amanda Bynes - He Who Must Not Be Named - Cher - Kylo Ren - The cup from Pitch Perfect - The entire cast of Cheaper by the Dozen - Danny DeVito - Ursula from The Little Mermaid - A Steam Engine - Intersectionality - The chandelier from Sia's 'Chandelier' - Rachel Green's nose before she got surgery - The foam finger from Miley's 2013 VMA performance - Carbon Dioxide - Yoda - Mass Surveillance ---------------------------------- 🍗Food & Drink Orders🍗 Subway A bowl of meatballs with a side of every available sauce mixed together at a rate of 12 WRPM (Wrist Rotations Per Minute), with a glass of tepid (but iced) water on the side. Starbucks An extra wet cappuccino with 3/4 pump of mocha syrup, half a pump of caramel and hazelnut syrup (or 3/5 pump toffee nut syrup at christmas time), 1/2 soy, 1/2 coconut milk, half-caf (the 'caf' being origin espresso), extra hot, grande - but in a venti takeaway cup - with copious amounts of whipped cream, but not too much so that it dissolves into the coffee and affects its flavour profile, topped with caramel sauce drizzled in Michael Bae's likeness, served with a sleeve but no lid. And easy on the coffee. Nandos Plain chicken breast x2 ---------------------------------- 💬FAQs💬 Q: When did you start reviewing films? A: The womb Q: Where can I buy your merchandise? A: Thankyou for asking, all my merch is available at susanplushparty.co.uk (Uzbekistan delivery only). Q: Who do you most look up to? A: I'm going to answer this question with a passage from the bible: "You are not to make for yourselves an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above, or on earth below, or in the water under the earth." So probably Jeremy Irons. Q:Who is your favourite author? A: Iris Murdoch* *I would have put the person who wrote the Bible, but I couldn't find out who it was Q: If you're an iron, how are you capable of sentient thought? A: Is that a Mean Girls quote? Q: Why is your bio so long? A: "The limit does not exist." - Cady Heron Q: What is your opinion on Ireland voting yes? A: I'm ecstatic! It will now be possible to reenact one of my favourite films I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry (See review) Q: Can I have your autograph? A: 'No' - Rosa Parks Q: How did you and Glen meet? A: Tinder Q: Why do you have so many followers, yet follow no one? A: 'I don't send candy canes, I just get them.' - Regina George Q: Why do you have such bad taste? A: Why do you exist on the same earth as me? Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: About 12 Q: Do you love me? A: Are you Glen? If so, yes. If not, no. Q: Are you an entrepreneur? A: Yes, I spread my time between housewifery and entrepreneurship. My commercial endeavour, Sue Perb's Soup Herbs went down like a lead balloon (which is ironic, as the reason it was removed from shelves is because the FSA found it to contain traces of lead). My current project is a Kanye Vest (patent pending), which is pretty much what it sounds like, although it includes a speaker which periodically recites some of Kanye's best quotes at passers by. Q: Who is Lyn Kay Lin? A: Lyn Kay Lin (née Wilson) is my childhood friend/biggest fan. Fun facts: ✯ She changed her surname after being Catfished into a sham marriage on plentyoffish.com and has kept the name ever since ✯ She once choked on a piece of popcorn at the cinema and to this date it remains her defining personality trait ✯ She developed a love of stamps from an early age after being posted to Taiwan by her birth parents ✯ She once accompanied the Perb family on holiday by stowing away above the plane wheel, where she suffered a crippling bout of frostbite and lost 4 of her toes ✯ She has no idea of her age or birth date ✯ One time she attempted to use her Costa loyalty card in the Chepstow Starbucks and has been barred ever since. (I also cut off contact with her for a month) ✯ She introduced me to Tinder and to this day credits herself for my marriage to Glen Perb. ✯ 'I made that b*tch famous' - Sue Perb Q: Why does the Fifty Shades of Sue trailer contain no moving footage, only stills? A: I'll be honest with you - the movie is so explicit that finding broadcastable footage was nigh-on impossible; using stills from the milliseconds between the more adult spectacles was the only solution. ---------------------------------- 👹My Most Used Emojis👹 -The iron emoji (yet to be developed) - 👔 (the Glen emoji) - 👑 (the emoji that best sums me up) - 🔌+🛁 (for the haters) - 👝 (I have a soft spot for this one) - 👙 (the beach body ready emoji - which yes I am by the way) - 🐶 (the dog from Marley and Me emoji) - 🍵+🌿 (the soup herb emojis) - 🍆 (the implicit emoji) - 🍑 (the explicit emoji) - 🐍 (the anaconda emoji) ---------------------------------- 🔤A Sue Perb Guide to the Alphabet🔤 A is for Anaconda, my favourite song B is for (Michael) Bae, who I've loved all along C is for Carmen Electra, the light of my life D is for Diane, Glen Perb's fourth ex-wife E is for Everyone, the ones that I hate F is for Family, who I love to berate G is for Glen, my bright shining star H is for Haters (I have four so far!) I is for Irony, that's what I am J is for Jaden, I'm his biggest fan K is for Kony, who I'd like to commend L is for Lyn, my so-called best friend M is for Me and my insightful remarks N is for 'No' - Rosa Parks O is for Ostrich, my favourite meat P is for Perbs, who no one can beat Q is for Quizzical, my resting expression R is for Real Housewives of Chepstow, my current obsession S is for Soup Herbs, my commercial endeavour T is for Threesome, I'm down for whatever U is for Uzbekistan, where my films are released V is for Viral, (I mean my infection: yeast) W is for Walking on Sunshine, I'm glad it was made X is for Xenophobia, I'm extremely afraid Y is for Yes, I am better than you Z is for Zzz, I must bid you adieu ---------------------------------- 🎓My appearances in court🎓 - The inquiry into the suspicious death of Gary the dust mite (ongoing) - The time I stood on the jury for the Chepstow Chopper case (ongoing) - My previous birthday family outing - The time I was accused of "forgetting" to pick Jeremy up from school (found not guilty) - The numerous accusations of libel (all not guilty) - The time I did a full reenactment of Murmuring Judges (one woman show) ---------------------------------- 📝💀Bucket List💀📝 ☑︎ Become famous (originally planned to do this Kim K style but you can't have everything) ☑︎ Have a hater ◻︎ Artificially Inseminate Myself ◻︎ Be the first woman to write a book ☑︎ Release a film ☑︎ Split my soul into 7 horcruxes ◻︎ Cryogenically preserve myself ☑︎ Be tweeted by Carmen Electra ◻︎ Meet Carmen Electra ◻︎ Make eye contact with Carmen Electra ◻︎ Touch Carmen Electra's skin ◻︎ Become Carmen Electra's BFF ◻︎ Carmen Electra ☑︎ Glen Perb ◻︎ Michael Bae ◻︎ Repent for my sins ◻︎ Attend my own funeral ◻︎ Rise like the Phoenix ☑︎ Compete in Eurovision ◻︎ Overcome my xenophobia (I've admitted defeat with this one) ☑︎ Birth Quadruplets ☑︎ Birth a Siamese Twin ◻︎ Spontaneously Combust ☑︎ Respire ◻︎ Recreate the Abbey Road Album Cover with my family ◻︎ Receive an OBE ◻︎ Receive a CBE ◻︎ Receive an MBE ◻︎ Appear on an episode of Teens React ◻︎ Fly solo across the atlantic ☑︎ Commit a crime ◻︎ Meet Rihanna ◻︎ Get on a snapchat story ◻︎ Meet Supernanny ◻︎ Be reincarnated ---------------------------------- 📺Favourite TV Shows📺 ✿ Eastglenders ✿ Jeremy Kyle ✿ The Cube ✿ Pointless (which is what your life is and which I won) ✿ Geordie Shore ✿ Ru Paul's Drag Race ✿ Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (I guest starred in 3 episodes) ✿ Rhia: Diary of a Teen Transsexual ✿ John Barrowman's Tonight's the Night ✿ Keith Lemon's Celebrity Juice ✿ Dinner Date ✿ The Real Housewives of Chepstow (which I have appeared on, many times) ✿ Keeping Up with the Kardashians ✿ The Antiques Roadshow ✿ University Challenge (which I won on my own) ✿ WWE Wrestlemania ✿ FIFA World Cup (1930 edition only) ✿ The Adventures of Paddy the Pelican ✿ Ironside ✿ Songs of Praise ✿ The One Show ✿ Wife Swap (especially the one with King Curtis) ✿ Australia's Naughtiest Home Videos ✿ Turn On ✿ Cribs ✿ Gladiators ✿ The Paul O'Grady Show ✿ The National Lottery: In it to Win it (which I won) ✿ Chartreuse is the New Black ✿ Neighbours ✿ Home and Away ✿ Time Team ✿ Family Guy ✿ The Only Way is Cheptstow ✿ Made in Chepstow ✿ What Happens in Kavos ✿ Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers ✿ The Gadget Show ✿ Basically Anything on Channel 5 ✿ Millionaire Matchmaker ✿ Big Brother ✿ Don't get done get Dom ✿ 60 minute makeover ✿ Rules of Engagement ✿ Dick and Dom in da Bungalow ✿ The Bachelor ✿ The Bachelorette ✿ Love Island ✿ Lizard Lick Towing ✿ Sex Box ✿ Four in a Bed ---------------------------------- 👯📚Reading Group📚👯 Members: Lin Kay Lyn, Glen Perb, Myself Week 1: 50 Shades of Grey Week 2: The Qu'ran Week 3: Keith Lemon: The Autobiography Week 4: Transformers: The Graphic Novel Week 5: The Magna Carter Week 6: Divergent Week 7: Chepstow Department for business tax reform project proposal June 2015 Week 8: Philip Larkin's The Whitsun Weddings Week 9: 50 Shades of Grey: Darker Week 10: Quilt Making for Beginners Week 11: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime Week 12: Tequila Mockingbird Week 13: Girl Online Week 14: Girl Online 2 Week 15: It's not about the bike: My journey back to life by Lance Armstrong Week 16: The Story of Tracy Beaker Week 17: Stormbreaker Week 18: Insurgent Week 19: Russell Hobbs 21370 Steamglide Professional Iron user manual Week 20: Girl Online (again) ---------------------------------- 🐶Pet Peeves🐶 ✂︎ Pets ✂︎ Parents who try and outshine me ✂︎ Christopher Nolan ✂︎ Being constantly compared to Mother Teresa (it just gets a bit old) ✂︎ Giving birth ✂︎ Standing up too quickly and getting a head rush ✂︎ Having to pay taxes ✂︎ Kids who try and act all cool and quirky by dying their hair and listening to Morrissey, who in reality are just trying to fill the void in their meaningless lives until their mortality inevitably catches up with them and they return to the dust from whence they came ✂︎ Musicals ✂︎ People who ask if you can spare any change ✂︎ My ex-husband ✂︎ Charities ✂︎ You ---------------------------------- 🔮My Horcruxes🔮 1. My copy of Walking on Sunshine 2. A can of Sue Perb's Soup Herbs 3. A signed photograph of Michael Bae 4. Glen Perb 5. The piece of popcorn Lyn Kay Lin choked on at the cinema 6. Jaden Perb's first tooth 7. My ironing board ---------------------------------- 🔊My Favourite Noises🔊 ➩ The trick that Glen does when he sticks his little finger inside is cheek and makes it sound as if it's popping ➩ Sibilance ➩ Turbulance ➩ An iron letting off steam ➩ The grunt that tennis players make when they wack the ball ➩ Jaden practicing the violin ➩ Knives being scraped on plates ➩ The theme tune for The One Show ➩ Jaiden practicing the harp ➩ Deforestation ➩ Rosa Parks saying 'no' ➩ The sizzle of fried chicken ➩ The sound of my horn that tells other drivers that they've done something wrong ➩ Jaiden practicing the marimba ➩ The sound of the underground ➩ Wind chimes ➩ The narration of Come Dine With Me ➩ Jaden practicing the boo-bams ➩ Voldemort's 'Nyah's ➩ Lui Perb learning the cup song ➩ Sandra Bullock's sex noises in Gravity ➩ Chemtrails ---------------------------------- 💠🎐Philosophical Questions🎐💠 words capitalised in honour of Jaden Smith ❃ If I Aim To Fail And I Succeed, Have I Succeeded Or Failed? (NB: I have never failed in my life) ❃ If You Take An Iron And Replace The Handle, Then Later Replace The Head, Is It Still The Same Iron? ❃ If You Want To Be My Lover, Do You Have To Get With My Friends? ❃ Why Is It So Much Easier To Make Mess Than To Clean It Up? ❃ What Would Happen If The Earth Stopped Spinning? ❃ If An Iron Falls And There's No One Around To Hear It, Did It Even Fall At All? ❃ Could God Iron A Shirt So Smoothly, That He Himself Could Not Wear It? ❃ Is Sue Pious Because God Made Her So, Or Is Sue Pious In And Of Herself? ❃ What Is The True Meaning Of Irony? ❃ What Came First: The Ironing Board, Or The Iron? ❃ How Can I Love Someone I've Never Touched? ---------------------------------- 🌹In Memoriam🌹 ✝ The untimely death of Gary the dust mite who was sadly vaporised in our microwave (inquest ongoing) ✝ The time Glen choked on a piece of confetti from my Carmen Electra shrine (and was clinically dead for 8 minutes) ✝ The time Jaden Smith developed his crippling bout of Ephibiphobia (fear of youths) and has had to be home-schooled ever since ✝ New Perb (fate unknown) ✝ Jeremy Perb (deceased) (probably) ✝ Pablow The Blowfish ✝ Lin Kay Lyn's dignity (since the last girl's night out) ✝ Glen's man bun (was tragically severed by a ceiling fan in a drunken furore. We are seeking medical advice and hope to arrange reattachment surgery [visit our JustGiving page for details]) ---------------------------------- 🏆🎯Accolades and Awards🎯 🏆 ✪ The Being's rosette for best in show at the Chepstow mock Crufts 2015 ✪ My gold medal in the semi-final of the tobogganing at the Chepstow Winter Olympics* ✪ The prize of 'Best family member' at the annual Perb Awards 2001-2015 (hosted/organised/attended by me) ✪ Jaden's distinction for grade 8 Marimba ✪ Glen Perb's afterlifetime achievement award at the Chepstow Exorcist Society (CES) awards* ✪ Error Perb's acceptance as the youngest member of Mensa ✪ Winner of Pointless, University Challenge and The National Lottery: In it to Win it ✪ Won a gold Blue Peter badge after pushing Irene Perb into the Chepstow river only to later save her. (Yes it may have eventually led to the intervention of social services, but hey, you win some, you lose some.) ✪ Joined the mile high club on a transatlantic flight to San Diego Sue Con ✪ Winner of Miss Chepstow 2016 *revoked (doping) ---------------------------------- 💡Inventions💡 - The ironing board - The clockwork orange (first appeared in Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange 1971) - The paradigm shift - Soup Herbs - Le'perb (a family game - see my website for rules*) - Stamps - The ironing board cover - Penicillin (which I am ironically allergic to) *Not to be played without the supervision by a third party or by anyone under the age of 21. Express permission required. Not recommended for those of a nervous disposition. Side effects may include vomiting, extreme diarrhoea and lunacy. Outlawed in 9 countries, with appeals for an international ban. ---------------------------------- 🌿Vines that sum me up🌿 https://vine.co/v/MrEBqvLKEP3 https://vine.co/v/eKiqvPmwxVT http://vine.co/v/OBPadpW9h57 https://vine.co/v/O2AFWihE5Qd https://vine.co/v/ezJDqFEBDQF https://vine.co/v/Oj3nXwj7OMD https://vine.co/v/MgZ3l1AtnOm http://vine.co/v/OMvWPlQ2DQa https://vine.co/v/e77MHBgDIbe https://vine.co/v/eM0VpTBKi0B http://vine.co/v/hOHzhBlmXWH https://vine.co/v/iKltQaHDXMO https://vine.co/v/e1vZMFtdODA https://vine.co/v/e5nZv5ZDH00 https://vine.co/v/OQVVj7xxudZ https://vine.co/v/elKBJO6m05u https://vine.co/v/Owhr3ZliBvV https://vine.co/v/eO3XenQLzQq https://vine.co/v/edmah7FZHqY https://vine.co/v/inAFF1BQuY7 https://vine.co/v/ewZIlttrUvO https://vine.co/v/MjixYFUTKdv https://vine.co/v/OhUJL9XPMuH https://vine.co/v/e001hxEjhKY https://vine.co/v/OHv7x0DYEjw https://vine.co/v/eXnLaplJ077 https://vine.co/v/ev9vIuJK9Qe https://vine.co/v/ib25tXFXXDD https://vine.co/v/exJKIxZOvQ9 https://vine.co/v/exOumYJZQiX https://vine.co/v/irrI0AqWe5W https://vine.co/v/hi1OxtdwLbE https://vine.co/v/OiZrVJLM6MK ---------------------------------- ⚡️~The Ten Commandments~⚡️ (1) I am Perb thy goddess 1. Thou Shalt Read No Other Reviews But Sue's 2. Thou Shalt Make Me Thine Idol 3. Thou Shalt Not Use Michael Bae's Name In Vain 4. Remember the Suebbath Day, To Keep It Holy 5. Honour Thy Iron and Thine Ironing Board 6. Thou Shalt Spread The Lord Perb's Name 7. Thou Shalt Not Like Another's Reviews 8. Thou Shalt Not Steal Sue's Intellectual Property 9. Thou Shalt Not Spread False Report Lest It Be About Sue's Haters 10. Thou Shalt Not Covet Glen Perb ---------------------------------- 🎺 Cringe Column 🎺 ~ When Glen's best man forgot to come to the wedding and Jeremy had to do the speech instead (it was dire) ~ The last girl's night out - the less said the better ~ When I grossly underestimated the number of people who would turn up to SueCon 2014 and we could have done with an appearance from Jesus to "feed the 5000" ~ My ex-husband ~ When the cinema staff thought that my life-long ban would keep me away from the cinema for more than a week ~ When I accidentally spelt Michael Bae's surname as 'Bay' on his Christmas card (this memory is so cringe-worthy I actually find it very difficult to recount) ~ When I was placed next to a car-boot sale sign and was mistakenly sold to Dale Winton for a week ~ Parents evening 2009 when I had to speak to teachers about the progress my offspring (other than Jaden) ~ When my idea for a new E! show 'Keeping up with the Perbs' was met with a particularly frosty rejection letter ~ When I accidentally watched Walking On Sunshine and forgot to log it in my film diary ~ When Sue Perb: The Movie was removed from the film database in a so-called act of 'sabotage' ~ When me and my then-husband watched The Artist and it parted us as swiftly as Moses parted the Red Sea ~ At our wedding rehearsal when Glen Perb accidentally said 'Shauna' (The name of his first ex-wife) instead of Susan. [He later told me he was reenacting his favourite Friends episode but I saw right through his charade] ~ When I fell over on the stairs outside Chepstow Court after battling one of several accusations of defamation (I won) ~ When I forgot my letterboxd password after a particularly intense game of Le'perb and could not watch any films for a week ~ Our holiday to Italy when I checked my reflection in a car window and it turned out to be the Pope mobile ~ When Glen became obsessed with gangs after watching Boyz n the Hood and decided to get a teardrop tattoo after the death of his 'Homie' Kevin. As it turns out Kevin was alive and had just gone to Kefalonia for two months. Glen still has the tattoo to this day. ~When I went to get my eyes tested at Chepstow Opticians but ironically walked into the hair salon instead. I had not made an appointment but somehow returned home with cornrows. - Lyn Kay Lin - The first time I took Lyn Kay Lin to Madame Tussauds and she thought the celebrities were real and just standing very still - The time Glen and I went to the nudist beach on our honeymoon where we soon discovered it was A) not nudist and B) not a beach but in fact a gravel car park off the M5 - When I returned Transformers 2 to the Chepstow Blockbuster having only watched it 2 times (instead of my usual 7) - When I lost Jeremy Perb (RIP) - 2014 SueCon when I lost my ticket before remembering I don't need a ticket, I am Sue Perb. - When they announced they were closing vine just hours after I compiled a list of my favourite vines and put it in my letterboxd bio - When I went on a surprise trip to the Chepstow model village and convinced myself one of my recurring childhood nightmares had finally come into fruition - When I created my own podcast and, after weeks of correspondence with Hilary Rodham Clinton, who was lined up as the guest for episode two, was banned from the iTunes and App Store for a 'serious breach of company policy.' Hilary and I plan to contest the issue in court. - When I attended a one woman show in off-Broadway only to realise I had accidentally booked myself in for a lap dance - When I took a leaf out of somebody else's book but that person turned out to be a renowned leaf-presser - When I entered a BBC Radio 2 competition to win a free radio but realised I did not own a radio so could not actually participate in the competition ---------------------------------- 👼 Baby Name Board 👼 Boys ✾ Saint ✾ Oberon ✾ Thor ✾ Magic Mike ✾ Gandalf ✾ Lucifer ✾ Tatum ✾ Patrick Lahoulahan ✾ Lemond ✾ Michael (after Michael Bae) ✾ Kony ✾ Ricardo Girls ✾ Lois ✾ Regina ✾ Apple ✾ North ✾ Granola ✾ Edith ✾ Shania ✾ Kourtnie ---------------------------------- 🇪🇸 ¡Favourite Spanish Words/Phrases! 🇪🇸 - Peligroso - Gobierno - Las salchichas - Fiesta - Gótica (an unbearable and tiresome person that always complains aka Lin Kay Lyn) - Geografía - Lograr algo (to succeed) - Sharknado - Bocadillo - Chiquito - Electroencefalografistas - El pan - Caminando bajo el sol - Salle de bain - Vale - Carmen Electra - Superextraordinarísimamente - Muy bien chicas - Dolmio - La mujer sin cabeza NB: I speak no Spanish ---------------------------------- 👧👶Childhood Experiences👶👧 • Staring in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (West End version) • Licking a millipede leading to a month-long hospitalisation • Getting stuck between the train doors of the tube all the way from Sudbury Hill to Uxbridge • Cartwheeling accidentally feet first into my head teacher's face (which I do not regret) • Seeing the Aurora Chepstialis • Coining the phrase 'on fleek' • Skinny dipping in the Atlantic • Befriended Lyn Kay Wilson (now Lyn Kay Lin) • Circumnavigating the earth in a kayak equipped with only a tea strainer and a packet of pear drops ---------------------------------- 🇬🇧 Chepstow's National Anthem 🇬🇧 God save our gracious Sue Long live our noble Sue! God save Sue Perb! Send her victorious, Happy and glorious, Long to reign over us, God save Sue Perb. Thy choicest gifts in store On her be pleased to pour, Long may she reign. May she defend our laws, And ever give us cause, To sing with heart and voice, God save Sue Perb. ---------------------------------- 👖 Chepstow Film Institute (CFI) 👖 Founded by Sue Perb © on January 01 2016 Current Projects: ⊗ The Flare Switch Project An exciting found footage horror set in the Chepstow Marks and Spencer in 1980. The plot is in development but involves the mysterious disappearance of a pair of flares during a student lock-in with terrifying consequences. ⊗ (Wo)Man on Wire a documentary about one woman's (mine) daring attempt to walk along the Chepstow suspension bridge with nothing but her bravura to protect her* *and a harness ⊗ Avatar 2 James Cameron is taking so long with his sequel to the frankly divine Avatar that the CFI are excited to announce they are taking matters into their own hands. Plot details are vague but we are currently experimenting with innovative motion capture technology. ⊗ Project Tim We follow the heart-wrenching journey of a young delinquent as he learns to communicate with humans for the first time (based loosely on Project Nim) ⊗ Spirited Away: The Chepstow Diaries The CFI's newly opened animation studio takes inspiration from Studio Ghibli in this animated masterpiece created entirely with plasticine. A young girl is entranced as she becomes lost in the bright lights of Chepstow ⊗ Chepstow Inspired by Woody Allen's Manhattan, although stuff actually happens in this one. ⊗ An Endless Spectrum An arthouse project filmed entirely by blind cameramen that uses the principles of Brechtian theatre to tell its story. ⊗ SPTM: Behind the Laughter A revealing documentary into the scandal of Sue Perb: The Movie's removal from the movie database, its release in Uzbekistan, and its subsequent status as a cult classic. ---------------------------------- 💰Favourite Companies/Organisations💰 ❀ Understanding Animal Research ❀ Fox ❀ BP ❀ Samsung ❀ Fifa ❀ Ryanair ❀ Nike ❀ Westboro Baptist Church ❀ National Accident Helpline ❀ Wonga ❀ Ashley Madison ❀ Nando's ❀ Vue ❀ Adam Sandler ---------------------------------- 🙋Advice Column🙋 currently accepting submissions! - What are your top tips for luck with the gentlemen? - In response to this question I'd like to offer one of my favourite Marilyn Monroe quotes: 'A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.' If you treat men with a similar sort of contempt you're bound to have them throwing themselves at you like there's no tomorrow!!* *failing this, try and bait them into impregnating you. This works a charm! ---------------------------------- 💍💞Wedding Vows💞💍 Copyrighted ~ only for use in the matrimony before God of Susan Jenifer Perb and Glen Carlos Preme. ♥'I, Sue/Glen, take thee, Sue/Glen, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, and for worse, for hotter, and for steamier in creases and in kinks, to watch Transformers: Age of Extingtion with and to marvel at Matt Damon's acting. ♥Till we disagree on a film's brilliance or get bored of one another's company do us part. ♥ In according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my iron and I pledge my collection of Spitting Image novelty figurines to you. ♥ In Michael Bae's name, Amen' ---------------------------------- 🎲SueCon Bingo🎲 Devised solely in collaboration with the SueCon committee and its fans - Someone is seen waving a giant inflatable iron - The main stage is commandeered by a Steps tribute band - Sue Perb is deliberately allusive - The queues to get in stretch out of Chepstow itself - A fan girl faints - A fan girl cries - A fan girl wets themselves - Michael Bae makes something explode - Someone goes missing in the ball pit - A Pixar film is burned - Someone gets a little “too into” the SueCon games - Jaiden Perb brings an audience to its knees with a cracking marimba solo - Eddie Stobart makes an appearance - Sue’s children outshine everyone else’s - Marley and Me is shown on the big screen - An underground game of Le’perb goes unnoticed by the police - Someone’s anemia is cured 👳🏽Favourite Fictional Characters👳🏽 - Jar Jar Binks - Voldemort - The dog from Marley & Me - Jeremy Perb - Mega Shark - The scientist from The Human Centipede - Count Olaf - Sassy Sue - Cal from Titanic - Walter Mitty - Edwin Epps - Jordan Belfort - Scrappy Doo - Officer Swan from Twlilight - Joe & Caspar - Every character from Entourage - The woman from When Harry Met Sally who says 'I'll have what she's having' ---------------------------------- ~For those of you asking I am happily married and do not have time for your advances~ All opinions presented on this account are solely my own (and the solely correct ones) *People who plagiarise the one and only (me) shall face the wrath of Michael Bae* ---------------------------------- For PR / business enquiries or general chit chat, you can contact me via my email*: [email protected] *chain emails encouraged ---------------------------------- *DISCLAIMER* If you did not imagine reading this bio in comic sans then please re-evaluate your life, then please re-read it with the intended font in mind. Thank you. ---------------------------------- ~In Perb We Trust~ ~E Perbius Unum~ © Sue Perb Unlimited 2013-2113

tfcis...? 一起指考去

It's ironic.

husband & father of three crazy kids

Let it go

husband & father of three crazy kids

Founder & CTO of Berget AI and Iteam

My Funny Collection

Irene O'Leary has 206 books on Goodreads, and is currently reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide...

15 yo || wassup || VI$ O 🌸

A young, passionate designer from Brooklyn, New York.